I’ve got Instragram now, you’ll see more of me there. Follow @ninpersson
As you may have understood I havn’t been feeling well the last couple of months. And it makes it all harder to write and inspire you, when I every single day battle with my own doubts and not knowing when I’ll be OK again. I’ve been on IF for more then a week now, but havn’t been able to control my sugar consumption. Or able and able to, I would be able to if I just decided to end it. I’ll try it AGAIN tomorrow. I want to be able to say “I’ve been off sugar for 21 days”. Thats my FIRST goal. Lets do it. Tomorrow.
I hope I’ll be able to get back here and write about my journey and keep you updated with beautifully composed plates with delicious wholefoods.
Until then, keep your chins up, keep on working hard with your lifestyle! You will achieve your goals one day or another, just keep on pushing!
Day 2 without sweets. Progress.
Day 2 on intermittent fasting. Finally.
So this is the only things that works for me, saying buy to my sweet tooth and jumping on the ride of 8 hours gaps of eating. I love the feeling of being able to eat meals at 12, 15-16 and then around 19-20. It hasn’t even been hard skipping breakfast in the morning. I sleep 30 minutes more, I drink a lot of water and one portion of aminoacids around 9-11 o’clock, when the worst hunger kicks in. It’s interesting cause it’s all a mental barrier. Last week, and the two weekends that’s been I’ve woken up at 6-7 o’clock when I worked out a lot and my body was screaming for food. But now, when I havn’t worked out for soon eleven days because of my sprained ancle, I can get used to intermittent fasting easily.
I had a couple of goals for my birthday this Friday, for example, being able to run 10K in 43 minutes. But that won’t happen now when I barely can walk. I wan’t to be able to do military lifts with 85kg, and I havn’t worked on that, I would probably be able to do one rep, but again I’ll wait with my ankle.
I miss working out but I have to focus all my strenght on school. I have been so exhausted and felt so depressed the last couple of months, so I can’t multitask anymore. It takes so much energy to schedule in a work out everyday when I comute to University and the gym closes at 8. But I’ll be moving soon and be 3 minutes from Uni and 10-15 minutes from my favourite gym with LOTS of different classes like Yoga, Kettlebell, Afro dance and Step up AND spinning! I’ll be working out everyday for a month time and I’ll be in great shape! I know this is the week where I’ve made “the decision”. When I make decisions like this, it’s for real. I won’t quit this time. You can always feel it deep in your heart when you make them. Sometimes you make a decision cause it’s what people expect of you, it’s your ideal self image that kicks in, how you would like to perceive yourself. But then you actually become that person, and thats how I feel now. This is my actual self image. I’ll be true to myself, I will deny myself the guilt of compulsive eating, I will nurture my body with the right food.
I’m currently looking up the possibility to move back to London for summer. Might be longer, might not. We’ll see. I’m thinking about taking a break next semester and catch up on some of the courses I’ve failed on this semester and my statistic course from last year.
I’ve just signed on my lease for a student room so I’ll be moving the 1th of May, and I’ll have the last month of my semester spent 3 minutes from Uni. Which feels amazing! I’ve been taking the train everyday for the last 2 years. I don’t see it as a problem to rent out the room while I’m in London if I’ll be there next autumn.
The thought of this makes me so excited. I need this. My heart tells me I need a break, I need to reboost myself. I need to get back to the place where I feel at home and alive.
I’ve gained so much weight lately (you’ve heard this before), I can’t control the way I eat, I don’t have the energy to do it while knowing it would make everything simpler. I would get more energy and feel better, it would make it easier studying hard. But all I want to do is stay in bed, all day. Which I never do. Today I havn’t done anything except staying in bed studying, writing a reflection on Paco Underhills book “Why we buy”. Pretty interesting but stresses me out to make the best chooses of examples and refer them to relevant theories from our book Consumer and organisational behaviour.
I’ve injured myself again, this time my ancle. School is not going as planned, and well, this page is not given the attention it deserve.
But life isn’t always as you thought it would be.
It’s my birthday in a week and I don’t look forward to it. Hello chubby girl, hello presentation in front of 50 people and hello birthday party (hoping that last part will be great).
Once I was the skinny girl, and I hated it.
Then I got athletic.
Then I got a little bit chubby and wasn’t comfortable with it but I still looked kind of athletic, til I injured myself took on a lot of weight while deiling with an ED.
After that I stopped exercising and moved to London where I only exercised on the dancefloor, you would either find me drunk in one of West ends posh clubs or Ministry of Sound. I would eat kit kat as goodnight snack or a packet of sainsbury’s vinegar and salt crisps.
I got tired of this behaviour one day when I looked myself in the mirror with clear eyes, I saw the body this had given me. I stopped alcohol and comfort food for 3 months while my best friend was travelling, but I got back to the same behaviour when she got back, we continued partying while both tried to stay on top with working out. Exhausting.
Half year later I came back to Sweden and tried to get back on track to old routines with healthy whole foods and a couple of work outs per week. I then injured myself again and got told not to run for at least 3 months.
Devasted I started to lift more weights, and lift as heavy as possible, pushing myself.
It’s been a year today from when I found my passion for weightlifting. I’ve learned a lot both about training, nutrition and myself. I’ve done progress and I’ve relapsed in to ED behaviour while being totally aware of it and knowing it’s only a phase to step out of.
Which I now have. During the last 3 weeks I’ve come back stronger then before. I’m challenging myself everyday. And I hope with every inche of my body that this year, 2013, will lead me to success and great progress.
I’ve got no doubt about it!